An unintended rant
Hi all
well yesterday I went into fukuoka to watch people practicing for the
yamakasa festival. This festival is pretty awesome to watch because its
about 20 to 30 people lifting this huge float that weighs around 2,000
pounds. Today there is a race with 8 different groups competeing. Its 5 km
longs and it only take about 30 minutes for a team to finish. So 6 people
sit on the float (3 in the front 3 in the back) and usually there is one big
decoration, like a sumurai. The little kids run in front yelling and
clearing the way and there is a huge trail of men behind yelling oisha, (my
host dad didn't really know what it meant but its basicly just to keep
encourating the people who are holding the float) Also since its hot they
are constantly splashing water everywhere to keep the people in the festival
cool. Besides that only men participate in this festival and each team comes
from a specific area of fukuoka and you have to live in that area to
particpate. Anyway I took some pictures so if my explanation didn't make
any sense (which is very possible) then maybe that will clear things up. The
class matches which you guys saw pictures of was pretty fun, even though I
didn't really do anything. It was REALLY hot that day, like 34 to 35 deg
celsuis so I spent most of the day fighting dehydration. The highlight was
watching my class win the first heat of the swimming relay race. Basicly at
the begining of the race we fell behind but gradually we gained lost ground
and won the race in the last few feet before the finish. We got 2nd in the
final, but that race wasn't very interesting. There was also soccer,
basketball, volleyball, ping pong, etc... Our class did volleyball swimming
and soccer. We lost at soccer and did pretty good at volley ball. Since
there was so much free time I just had a chance to talk to lots of people
and really felt social for a change. I don't have any plans for today I'll
probably just read and hang out.
In general my arm is doing pretty well, barely any pain, but still some
limited mobility. I go back to the hospital for a check up on tuesday.
Physically I feel I'm as fit as I have ever been. E.g. everyday I eat less
food and exercise more than I do in America so after 6 months my body has
just gotten stronger.
But my physche is pretty exausted from this experience. The mood swings
having a really good day and letting go, to having a really boring day where
I just want to go home. After I crashed my bike I ended up crying on the way
home and really just felt like this experience had beaten me. I just kept
thinking this is experience is to Fucking hard...learning japanese, adapting
to japanese culture, really being away from home/friends/family for the
first time, breaking up with my girl friend, having a mini-identity crisis,
stressing out and getting stomache pain, having 2 bike accidents, changing
host families, having 12 hours days of school, having my ipod break,
questioning whether I even wanted to pursue my interest in japan in the
future and in the midst of that trying everyday day NOT To think about any
of that and just relax, stay in the day, be social, and enjoy myself.
Here I find I think/talk to myself which kind of makes me feel a little
crazy. Its not like I hear voices or anything, but I find here to some
extent I have retreated into myself and so my internal voice or whatever you
want to call it is abnormaly strong. This is fine for awhile, but when you
keep analyzing the same things over and over and over and its only 10 am....
Oh My God... I just want to hit my head against something until the pain is
strong enough that I would be forced to focus on that and stop thinking. (I
never did that)
When communication was more difficult back in April I just didn't have the
energy to actively communicate after the first 3 or 4 hours of a day. So
e-mailing was one of my favorite activies that I would look forward to hours
in advance just because I could sit down for 30 minutes connect with a few
people and write a few meaningful e-mails.
Lately this has been less of a problem because my japanese has gotten
pretty good so I can have decent conversations with people. but I still
don't feel quite like myself..its like there are parts of my personality I
want to use or express, but can't. Like making a funny joke, or having a
more difficult conversation that talks about abstract ideas.
So yeah after reading all that your probably going to think wow thats a lot
of shitty stuff and it is, but inspite of that I have had some good days
here and there are things I am definetly going to miss. Thankfully this
experience is starting to feel more like a vacation where I can go out and
explore and just feel excited that I'm in a foreign country which makes the
average day get much, much better.
This experience has forced me to grow and mature, which I'm sure in
retrospect I will be thankful for, but right now I'm looking forward to
coming home and having a mindless month where my biggest problem is choosing
between whether I'm in the mood for indian or mexican food.
Well the second half of this e-mail came out like a rant, which i wasn't
planning, but once I start expressing myself I don't try and control the
flow of ideas I just stop writing when I feel like I don't have anything
else to say.
Brian
p.s. I really am doing okay, don't worry.
